Viewing God Through the Lens of Trauma

Earlier today, I read through my friend Michael Patton’s post “On Leaving My First Love” and found similarities between where he was years ago and where I find myself now. In it, he speaks of his life’s difficulties, arguing with God, and finally coming to a place of surrender. I …

The Art of Sexual Grooming

Step 1: Befriend someone and study her like scientists examine microscopic organisms beneath the ocean’s surface. Learn her likes, dislikes, if she hates her parents and why. Step 2: After learning that she’s a loner looking for simple companionship, start eroding her carefully constructed walls, break down bricks with warm …

Don’t Drink the Fabuloso: For Suicidal Christians Too Afraid (or Too Condemned) to Ask for Help

Yes, you read the title right. Do not freak out. For my charismatic believers, do not get the holy oil and start speaking in tongues and/or casting out demons that may not actually be there. Just let me explain. A Brief Synopsis of My Mental State I am not okay. …

A Fictional Psychological Scene: Is it Believable?

Dear Lovelies, I am awake and writing because I have horrible insomnia. I wrote this scene that may or may not go into the novel that I’ve been writing off and on for three years now (For more info about the writing process, you can read here and here). Sexual …

Another Letter to My Abuser

Dear Voldemort, I know I shouldn’t say what I’m about to say because it’s not uplifting or triumphant; there’s no happy ending to this particular moment in time. I need to get some things off my chest and you need to listen. I have spent the last two days in …

Travailing through Trauma: A Night With PTSD

Last night, PTSD won. I spent most of the night curled up in my closet, like a child afraid of the Boogeyman, trying my best to be as small as possible, like nothing at all, because the amount of open space my room offered was too much. Around 11 p.m., …

Writing in the Midst of a Flashback

6 A.M. A nurse disturbs my nightmares, and temporarily prevents me from my ritual of staring at the wall upon sweating myself awake, to take my vitals. She wants to make sure I’m still alive, even though, by virtue of this place, I am considered one of the walking dead. …

A Letter to My Abuser

Dear Voldemort, I am not a social butterfly, but you took me under your wings and, for a time, made me feel like I could soar. I know that’s cliché, especially considering all the future pain you would cause, but for a little while, it was true. By watching you, …

When Forgiveness Doesn’t Eradicate PTSD

As a Christian, I’m supposed to forgive everyone so that God can forgive me of my sins. I was once an enemy of the Most High, so who am I not to forgive someone who wrongs me when God forgave me of all my junk? Easy, right? No, not really. …

On Discussing Trauma

I think the hardest aspect of trauma, especially in the context of recovery, is talking about it repeatedly. In my experience, I’ve only discussed it in detail with a counselor and my former pastor, as he has training as a licensed psychologist. I thought that talking about it to strangers …