On Discussing Trauma

I think the hardest aspect of trauma, especially in the context of recovery, is talking about it repeatedly. In my experience, I’ve only discussed it in detail with a counselor and my former pastor, as he has training as a licensed psychologist. I thought that talking about it to strangers …

The Truth about Novel Writing

Like many people, I’ve always wanted to write a book, but until recently, I’ve been enamored by the idea of writing a book. Tell people you’re writing a book, that’s sexy, romanticized even, but actually writing one is hard work that requires frantic writing as a new idea hits you at …

Nerd!: A Childhood Trauma or The Weight of Loneliness

“You’re such a teacher’s pet! What’s with your hands? Are you retarded or something?” It’s taken me a long time to realize just how traumatizing it all was. That I was ridiculed both for being different and intelligent. One of these things I couldn’t control. I wanted so badly to …

There’s More to Life than Trauma

Trauma has a way of disrupting and contorting everything so that all one sees is pain, paranoia, danger, and withered hope in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, intrusive memories, and a flight/fight/freeze brain system in need of major repair. But that’s not all there is. There are hope and …

Honesty and Hard Questions: Why Holding a Mirror to Your Life is Hard

Earlier today, J., my therapist, asked me why I wasn’t doing the things I know I should be doing to better my life. I answered him in silence. There was no adequate answer I could give, which got me thinking: Why do we hold ourselves, and our truth, back from …

Reflections on Being Institutionalized

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m doing life correctly. Because of PTSD, I tend to live the past a lot. It’s unintentional, due to flashbacks, triggers, and panic attacks, but it happens. I have a lot of trouble with being still and clearing my mind because people, responsibilities, and distractions are …

What No One Tells You after a Suicide Attempt

When the school counselor calls the police to escort you off the premises to be Baker Acted for a suicide attempt the night before and asks you, before they come, if you hate her, be honest. Don’t let fear strip you of your humanity just yet because months later, when …

Just a Number (A Tribute to UCF)

Everywhere I go, a multitude of students surrounds me in an ocean of academic chaos. I observe them in silence. Some are consistently obnoxious, like an alarm that goes off at six that tempts me to smash it with aggressive fists. Some scurry along, while others choose to saunter to …

In Light of Past Acheivements…

  It has been exactly 1 year, 9 months, and 20 days since I graduated from the University of Central Florida, said goodbye to my fellow Knights, and got thrust into the land of no sleep, mental breakdowns, existential crises, and low-paying jobs otherwise known as Adulthood.  The cap I …