Loving a Suicidal Writer

*I wrote this poem after reading an article about James Baldwin and his struggle with suicidal ideation*

If I ask you to martyr me within your pages,
blank and crisp, like unvarnished potential,
don’t let your memory of me fade away
like forgotten, abandoned childhood dreams.
Don’t listen to my mournful woes.
Write me beautiful and stellar,
glamorous and headstrong.
Paint me with words like “indestructible”
“iridescent” and “wonderful friend.”
If I should attempt to fall prey to my own dirty hand,
don’t let pain and trauma tell the story,
write me a new ending, one where I am the victor;
one where I live triumphant
with my long-forgotten happiness.
Hold my hand in the darkness and guide me
to yet another light. There will always come another light, won’t there?

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2 Comments

  1. LENO

    R. Jabrey re-worded:
    The SON was martyred within the pages of history,
    blank and crisp, in HIS full obedient potential,
    So the FATHER could let the memory of our sins fade away
    like forgotten, abandoned childhood dreams.
    Let’s not listen to our mournful woes.
    Write each other beautiful and stellar,
    glamorous and headstrong.
    Paint each other with words like “indestructible”
    “iridescent” and “wonderful friend.”
    If one should attempt to fall prey to one’s own dirty hand,
    Fight to not let pain and trauma tell the story.
    Write one a new ending, one where one the victor;
    Because HE died so no one else has to.
    And so we can live triumphant
    With new found happiness.
    Hold HIS hand in the darkness to guide us to more of HIS light.
    For there will never come another light.

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